Archive for December 29th, 2011

I did it!

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I made the purchase.
Like a woman on a mission I waltzed into Gap Baby(Maternity)–my old ways of Gap Body clearly forsaken. I girded my loins and picked up the first pair of elastic band jeans I saw and about 5 tops (for moral support). I crept into a changing room and sat down facing the jeans. It was really quite crowded in there with this 300 pound gorilla. I had a bite of emergency chocolate and pulled the plug.
It really was not so bad. Quite comfy really.
I felt brave enough to even open one eye and step out of the changing room to review.
At this very moment a gorgeous blonde glided by my door asking a shop assistant if they had the the dark wash skinny jeans in size 0 as 2 were too baggy.
I slammed the door, pulled up my phone, and spent next 5 minutes looking up fat celebrities. I cant stand Roseanne when she opens her mouth but I sure enjoy looking at her.
With renewed courage, I called for a shop assistant to get me every pair of maternity jeans they had. Many minutes/hours later I had THEM. Yes, they had the band, yes, they were 70 bucks (!!! never EVER spent that much on pants)…BUT they were size 4. And that is all that mattered. If I had known that Gap Maternity secretly has vanity sizing, I would have been shopping there for years.
So, all is well. I am poor but vain as ever. Aaaaah. Such a warm and fuzzy feeling.


An Average Czech…in Numbers

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-owes USD 4500
-lives till 72
-is 5′ 6” tall
-weighs 165 lbs
-eats about 1 ton of food per year
on which he/she spends USD 4000
breakdown: 90 lbs pork, 50 lbs chicken, 11 lbs chocolate
-drinks 43 gallons of beer and 260 cups of tea
-produces 884 lbs of waster, of which he/she sorts 92 lbs
-walks a mile a day
-takes the train 17 times a year
-uses up 186 gallons of gas a year
-smokes 2071 cigarettes a year
-makes love 6 times a month
-flagellates 14 times a day
-smiles 13 times a day (small children smile 400 times a day, fyi)
-gambles away USD 500
-spends USD 900 on vacation
-spends USD 400 on Christmas
-watches TV for 3.25 hrs a day
-reads 17 books a year

I am not an average Czech.