Archive for December 30th, 2011

A crisis.

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This morning I woke up into a crisis.
After the initial mental breakdown brought on by 6 positive pregnancy tests, I have really felt quite excited and positive about the Blueberry. I would even say motherly. However, things have been brewing in the back of my mind and it all came unleashed this morning.

I am a morning person. Frankly I am a machine in the morning. I get 85% of my todo things done before noon. So, when David woke up I wasted no time introducing him into the situation…”David, kids are inconvenient.” This post-modernist version of “good morning” was followed by a fury of things that we will not be able to just pick up and go do because we will have a little critter in tow. Next act was an Oscar-performance of “The Terrible Mother” which featured favorites such as “I dont know how to change a diaper”, “I dont know how to give the baby a bath”, “I dont know how to swaddle”, etc.

David listened carefully but instead of an ovation he pulled up YouTube. At this point the conversation moved from the bedroom to the kitchen table where as a masterpiece of distraction I decided to organize our Halloween candy leftovers.
So, there I was sitting with neat piles of M&Ms and Skittles while David played me instructional clips on diaper changing, swaddling, etc…
The situation was improving….UNTIL…I decided that I wanted to learn about the intricacies of baby bathing. We watched a video and I truly felt enlightened. Excited, I asked for a second one–to help sink in the newly found knowledge.
However, the second mother washed her baby completely differently. Her steps were in different order. Her approach opposite. She proposed to wash the hair last not first. She disapproved of the use shampoo AND she did not have her hand supporting the baby from the back.
My foundation was being rocked to its very core.
Then…from stage left enters the Qtip!!!!!! I jumped as if she pulled out a chain saw. After all, the first mother specifically and strongly warned against the dangers of Qtip use! She recommended a corner of a wet cloth wipe to clean the baby’s ears.
What am I to believe??????????
How will my child survive??????

Of course, neither mother was thorough enough to post any “later-in-life” update. So, I am left to wonder if baby1 is deaf because its ears got clogged with gunk or baby 2 is deaf because a Qtip pierced its ear drum and probably got stuck in its brain.

So, I am back where I so successfully started…having a breakdown.