Archive for January 21st, 2012


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Yesterday David’s company hosted an employee party at Thanksgiving Point. The instructions were “dress to impress”.
Femme fatale translation: “dress to kill”.
I put on a sexy black BR dress and ridiculously high heels and we set off. We were greeted by a cutout of a pink flamingo and a pile of fake leis. A luau??????? I cant handle fake flowers even as a room decoration, let alone a fashion accessory. One orange specimen was thrust on me–on top of my pink JCrew pearls. I was going into cardiac arrest.
Very bad start.
The crowd presented an entire spectrum of vogue including cargo pants and shorts to business casual to old Prom dresses.
I sat down with a glass of water hoping to get drunk. ;)
Suddenly, a former manager of David’s showed up at my side with fresh white leis from Hawaii. I melted. Apparently, he had arranged with his team to have them flown in for the wives. I was purring. White orchids on a black BR dress…oh, vanity. oh, Honey.
I set aside my water.
Then the talent show part of the evening starred a number by a wife of one of the employees who, dressed in a moo moo, announced that she has sung this piece on all thirty of a cruise ship holidays and without further warning burst into “I Honestly Love You.”
I grabbed the pitcher of water and dove in.
The evening was saved by my Honey who performed an opera aria. He was fantastic. Every single jaw present dropped. I was beaming with pride and did not mind at all that we won a giant parrot kite to in the raffle.

I am really not a snob.
I value elegance and good manners.
I am definitely bitchy though. ;)

Other news…
It is a well-established fact that pregnant women tend to have very vivid dreams due to hormonal changes. Well, yesterday I read that one of the typical dreams is a dream about an ex. Apparently the unconscious is trying to bring up times when the woman felt attractive (aka not with a belly and stretch marks).
So last night I dreamed about Hugh Grant. I was in London and he arranged to “accidentally” run into me on the street. He said he wants me back, he showed me his credit card payoff plan, and even said that he knew I am pregnant and he wants to raise the baby as his own.
David said he is totally OK with Hugh.

I hope tonight it is Sean Connery. Maybe I should watch some James Bond in preparation???!!