I have an amazing husband.
When we were in Australia we took the weekend off and camped on this remote beach surrounded by kangaroos and parrots. In the morning we took a walk in the morning mist. I was collecting shells while David was taking pics. One of his panoramas is that of me far in the distance wading through the tide with the sun rays reflecting off of the ocean. I am memorized by that scene. Somehow I feel it captures my soul, my hopes and dreams. We had it printed a while a back but I could never find a suitable frame for it.
So, what did David do?
He built a frame from scratch.
And for the finish?
He researched a home-made vinegar/tea stain.
I mean seriously???
The frame looks like it is made out of driftwood.
It is exactly what I envisioned. Driftwood + beach…
I cant take me eyes off of it. We put it up in our bedroom.
I have an amazing husband.
So, I still have not felt the Blueberry and our ultrasound is 10 days away.
I am going NUTS.
Then yesterday I read that the baby gets all wired up when the mother drinks Coke.
On a sin scale how bad is that? Drugging your child so you can feel them kicking?
Can I Hail Mary my way out of it?
Yesterday David’s company hosted an employee party at Thanksgiving Point. The instructions were “dress to impress”.
Femme fatale translation: “dress to kill”.
I put on a sexy black BR dress and ridiculously high heels and we set off. We were greeted by a cutout of a pink flamingo and a pile of fake leis. A luau??????? I cant handle fake flowers even as a room decoration, let alone a fashion accessory. One orange specimen was thrust on me–on top of my pink JCrew pearls. I was going into cardiac arrest.
Very bad start.
The crowd presented an entire spectrum of vogue including cargo pants and shorts to business casual to old Prom dresses.
I sat down with a glass of water hoping to get drunk.
Suddenly, a former manager of David’s showed up at my side with fresh white leis from Hawaii. I melted. Apparently, he had arranged with his team to have them flown in for the wives. I was purring. White orchids on a black BR dress…oh, vanity. oh, Honey.
I set aside my water.
Then the talent show part of the evening starred a number by a wife of one of the employees who, dressed in a moo moo, announced that she has sung this piece on all thirty of a cruise ship holidays and without further warning burst into “I Honestly Love You.”
I grabbed the pitcher of water and dove in.
The evening was saved by my Honey who performed an opera aria. He was fantastic. Every single jaw present dropped. I was beaming with pride and did not mind at all that we won a giant parrot kite to in the raffle.
I am really not a snob.
I value elegance and good manners.
I am definitely bitchy though.
It is a well-established fact that pregnant women tend to have very vivid dreams due to hormonal changes. Well, yesterday I read that one of the typical dreams is a dream about an ex. Apparently the unconscious is trying to bring up times when the woman felt attractive (aka not with a belly and stretch marks).
So last night I dreamed about Hugh Grant. I was in London and he arranged to “accidentally” run into me on the street. He said he wants me back, he showed me his credit card payoff plan, and even said that he knew I am pregnant and he wants to raise the baby as his own.
David said he is totally OK with Hugh.
I hope tonight it is Sean Connery. Maybe I should watch some James Bond in preparation???!!
So, clearly my blogging has suffered a bit since I started school.
- The Blueberry
We had a doc appointment this am. The Blueberry is doing well–it is the right size, heartbeat 155, it moves around a lot (though I cant feel it yet).
I feel great too.
I LOVE school. I am learning so much. I am meeting a lot of fantastic people. I feel so blessed to have this opportunity. I has been my dream for so long to get a Master’s degree. I am being challenged like never before.
Oh, on Wednesdays I sleep at Jennie’s. I have an evening class till 10 pm and then Thursdays I start at 7:30 am. So, it is not worth the drive to Provo. Instead, I dive into my sleeping bag and camp on Jennie’s floor. It is really amazing that it worked out that she is in SLC at this time and lives a block from the U. Am very grateful. Plus it gives us a chance to catch up every week.
Well, it is Wednesday, my third day of the MAcc program.
- I cant really lift my backpack.
- I dont own an Apple laptop or a cool Nalgine bottle so am defninitely not with the cool crowd.
- I get up at 5:30 am. This means I leave the house before David even wakes up. Of course, by the time he gets home from work, I am getting ready for bed.
- I have spent more on textbooks then on rent this month.
- I am learning soooooooooo much. I am overwhelmed but excited.
- I got hit on by a marine and a nerd during a 15min class break. I’ve still got it!!!! David, I think I need a bigger ring.
We got a crib for the Blueberry from a colleague of David’s. I still dont comprehend that in a few months a human cub will be sleeping in it. Wow.
Venus gracefully emerged from ocean foam in all her astounding glory. She was a goddess.
I just emerged exhausted from the bathroom after two hours of grooming. I am a disaster.
Men have absolutely no idea how much it takes to look presentable. Partly it is their fault because they barely manage to brush their teeth but partly it is because we, women, want our beauty to appear as effortless as that of Venus.
- hair conditioned
- face cleansed
- body scrubbed off dead cells
- leg and armpits shaved
- all body lotioned
- nails clipped, filed, old polish removed
- toe nails clipped, filed, old polish removed
- nails and toenails freshly painted
- nails repainted because of a “gummy bear” incident
- eye brows tweezed
- outfit finalized (number of rejected options: 9)
- make up put on
- hair tamed
- satin hands done
Now I am sitting on the couch with no energy and a pile of clothes to put away. Dont want to go to dinner. Dont want to network . Dont want to be charming. Want to stay home, drink hot chocolate, eat leftovers, and watch basketball in my pjs.
Tonight I have a big schmooze dinner at the UofU to kick off the semester. But all I can think about is how glad I am that my Blueberry bump is not really showing.
I have several professors interested in me being their research assistant and I have been even considered to manage a class of 600 undergrad students. But I worry that my bump would derail all that by putting into question my committment and my ambition. The fact is that MAcc programs are extremely competitive. It is all about getting the best internship and the best job. However, I won’t be doing an internship and I won’t be starting a job. I will be nursing and changing diapers.
I dont see myself being sidelined in classes as that is all about hard work and results. But how about the social and professional setting? Why would my peers, professors, or hiring scouts want to waste time with the bump? Worst of all, I am not sure I would act differently myself if the tables were turned. What kind of a resource or networking connection is a pregnant woman who most likely will not enter the workforce for years to come?
Is it pathetic that I want my collegues to respect me and take me seriously at the cost celebrating my womanhood? I find myself going back and forth between wanting my stomach to show like I am 9 months along with twins and looking annorexic. Clearly the swings coincide with my momentary priority ladder and my pride. Am I an awful human being? Am I already an awful mother?
Or is it that I am just fighting myself because I know deep down that the only one that matters is the Blueberry and the careerwoman inside me is refusing this shift in professional committment and ambition? But it is so much easier to blame the society and its twisted perspectives…
Clearly, in a few more weeks, this discussion will be moot.
Still, yesterday I chose to blow my monthly personal $$$ on an a sexy red Banana Republic dress to wear tonight. Nothing mommy about it
And that is why I am pondering the state of my conscience (with a bowl of gummy bears).
I am a somewhat abnormal guy. And by that I mean that I have a degree in computer science. Which by itself is very unnatural. So if sometimes I speak words that are absolutely unintelligible to you, don't worry. It's all part of my condition, and I'll stop blabbering about computers soon.